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I had a long conversation with a friend last night and it got me thinking about communication once again. I love this guy with all my heart and when we drill down to the core of our faith 99.9% of the time we agree. The problem is that we don’t always recognize that we are on the same page. Last night we discussed that we don’t generally have a theological difference or a philosophical difference but a semantical difference. The words I use don’t carry the same meaning to him and vice versa. This got me thinking.

How do I effectively communicate to a large audience where various words carry different levels of meaning. What I mean isn’t necessarily what they hear. And what they hear isn’t always what I mean. Ugh! So what is the solution?

I believe this is the beauty of the one point sermon. Instead of saying a bunch of things in one way that only some people will understand the way I mean it, I can teach one thing in various ways so that the largest number of people can receive it. I can’t reach them all…but I can try.

No, this is not a post about lust, temptation or other physical weaknesses. Kevin does a good job of scratching that surface here. This is yet another post about communication and how we sometimes sabotage our efforts.

So far we have touched on the elements of every speaking situation and filler words. Last week we even deviated from oral communication and talked about writing a bit. Today I would like to move back to the dark verbal art but I would like to focus on the non-verbal elements that we many times don’t consider when we step up to present out message.

Body Language

Body language is just as important to your message as how you say it. Have you ever watched a speaker and wondered if they have ever fallen asleep during their own talk? Or how about the speaker who was so energetic that you felt like you had run a marathon when it was done? The fact of the matter is, how speakers carries themselves is extremely important. To demonstrate I thought I would share a few bad stage habits that occur when a speaker is not aware of that their own body while presenting.

The Statue - This is the person who stands right behind the pulpit and never moves or flinches or anything. Half way through you just want them to lean or something.

The Pacer - This person walk back and forth across the stage. They never pause, they just pace. Watching this speaker is like watching a tennis match where no one misses the ball.

The Fidgeter - I am this person. Keep everything out of my reach during a presentation. If I can get my hands on it I will mess with throughout the whole message. This is why I have nothing on stage when I am speaking. I have gotten better. There are some extreme cases where even with the absence of stuff the Fidgeter will turn to items in their pocket, glasses and even their own facial hair.

The Swiveler - I was this person only once. I remember it like it was just yesterday. It was my first time to speak with one of those chairs that swivel. Back then I never stood up at all, which could be another problem altogether. This particular message was video taped and in the spirit of becoming a better speaker, I watched it. Throughout the entire message I was swiveling back and forth. To make matter worse…I was also fidgeting with the mic stand. I’ve come a long way since then.

This is not an exhaustive list by any means but hopefully you get my point. When speaking…control yourself. Every portion of your presentation should be supported and not distracted by your body language. Public speaking isn’t something you just get up and do. It’s a skill that must be examined, studied and practiced. At least this is true if you want to be effective.

I recently wrote a post that offended some of my dear friends which only proved that I am terrible at writing. I guess it could prove I am a terrible friend but for the sake of this post I will assume the first.  On Wednesdays I have been trying to unpack the topic of communication but have been focusing primarily on the presentation of the spoken word. Today I would like to handle the written word for just a moment.

With the spoken word most of us preachers know that people forget 95% of what we teach in the first 72 hours. The written word however is there forever. Unless you can retrieve every copy it will live on. Blogs make this even worse. I can delete a post from my blog but not from people’s RSS readers. With that in mind I would like to share a few simple tips on how to me misunderstood and present a written message that is sure to be effective at doing exactly what you didn’t intend for it to do.

1. Publish Your First Draft.

Edit, proofread, rewrite? Who wants to go through all that. You know what you meant to say and you need to get it out there as soon as possible. Besides, if you understand it so will everyone else.

2. Offer Blazing Generalizations.

Why should you have to explain yourself. Lump everyone in your limited perspective and opinions and then blast them. Great writers know everyone better than they know themselves. They also know that stereotypes are completely accurate. If people can’t handle being lumped in with everyone else than they shouldn’t be a part of the human race.

3. Use Misleading or Seemingly Targeted Examples.

Just because your example or illustration really happened and might be taken as a direct stab at someone who can relate to the accusation doesn’t mean you should refrain. Speak your mind. Air your discontent. Tell that story about that one time a friend forgot your birthday and how awful they are. If another friend who forgot your birthday gets offended, it’s their fault for misunderstanding who you were actually targeting.

4. Name Names.

Just because you name names and then use a targeted example doesn’t mean that person should assume you are talking to them. You can’t censor your writing so all the people that you point out specifically won’t get offended. They should be able to read your mind. Besides, it’s what isn’t said that counts.

So there you have it. A surefire way to be misunderstood. Someday I will learn this delicate technique. Until then, be careful what you write…it might just get read.

I need to start of by saying that the issues that are discussed within the pet peeve topic are both frustrations within myself and with others. In the spirit of transparency and fairness I will start with how this is an irritaion within me.

I am terrible with long distance relationships. It’s not that I don’t care. It’s not that I’ve moved on. It’s not even that I don’t want to. But for whatever the reason I neglect communication with those who are the farthest from me. I hate this about myself and I almost feel like what Paul says in Romans 7 applies to me here.

For I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate. - Romans 7:15

Although my lack of communication is far from sin against God, it is an injustice and a wound to those who receive the brunt of my silence. Most of these people know who they are and I have nothing to hide here. My Dad and my brother Tim fall into this category. My friends Andrew & Shelly are right there with them. My friend Bret has also been a victim to my silence and probably much more, to the point that it would take a miracle for the relationship to be restored. I also have friends who live only 45 minutes away that I struggle to communicate with because of this deficiency within me.

There are a few compounding factors as to why I am so poor at long distance relationships. These are not excuses as much as they are reasons why I struggle with it so much.

I am a live orator. That kind of sounds silly to say it but it’s true. I love being in the same room with the people I am talking to. In that situation I am great but I hate talking on the phone and I am a terrible writer. One day we will be able to have holographic images of the people we are speaking to sitting across from us and then all my problems will be solved. Well, at least this one.

I am a pastor. I am sure that there are pastors who have figured this out but I haven’t yet. As a pastor I tend to have my time taken by the biggest known need. This frustrates many I am sure but as a still small church there isn’t anyone else to take up the slack in that area. I am sure Kevin can back me up on that.

I am a pastor. I know I already said that but I missed a point. As the pastor, I do not encourage this, but people want to talk to you more than others in the church. There isn’t necessarily anything wrong with this. They feel like they will understand the church better by speaking to the pastor and in many ways they may be right. That tends to take a lot of time away from other communications though.

I am lazy. At my core I want to lay around and relax. I seldom let myself but it’s what I want. When the phone does stop ringing, everyone has left my home and I finally have a spare moment I don’t really want to make another phone call (did I mention that I hate talking on the phone).

At the moment I don’t have the answers, only the struggle. To all of you who are on the list above and possibly read this blog…I’m sorry.

Now it’s time for me rag on some of the things that frustrate me about others when it comes to a lack of communication. Remember, these qualities bother me about myself as well.

Double Talkers

I have done this at one time or another but it frustrates me when people complain, condemn or offer veiled stabs about my lack of communication and yet it’s not like my phone is ringing off the hook. Communication is a two way road but I feel like most the time, when no one travels it, I am the one blamed. If you miss me so much…pick up the phone and call.

Angela and I have even taken vacations to New York and San Antonio to see our friends and family. I may not pick up the phone that often but either do they and the last time I checked none of them have even once come and visited us in Tennessee. I’m just saying…

Non Responders

This really represents two groups of people. Only one of which I have been a part of. The first is the struggle that I can identify with and yet it still bugs the garbage out of me. These are the people who you call and email repeatedly and even ask for a response yet they don’t. Many times this is caused by just plain poor time management. You get an email or a call and think that you will just respond to it later when you have a free moment. The problem is that you never have a free moment other than the time that you received the message. Other times it’s simply that you just don’t think it’s important enough to respond to. The problem here is…I thought it was important enough to send to you. You do the math.

The second group doesn’t just frustrate me. They actually make me physically angry. I usually sin not. These people have a responsibility to communicate with me or someone else and they simply don’t. This might be the person who has a responsibility to be somewhere or do something whosimply doesn’t show. It is also the person who has information that you need who decides everything is more important than getting it to you. This one is not so much about communication as it is about character. If you say you are going to do something than do it. We don’t need your lip service.

So there you have it. I am terrible at communication and so are you. It feels good to get that off my chest. Don’t execute me. Instead, offer your communication struggles, pet peeves and possible solutions. I would love to hear from you. Of course now if you don’t comment you may fall into the first part of the “non-responders”. I hate you already. ;)

It’s been about a month since my last Wednesday offering on effective communication. Again, I know I am not an expert but I have learned a bit over the last several years of public speaking and theatrical arts. Alright, so I use theatrical arts loosely.

Last time I shared the most important element in every speaking situation, the audience. They are the “reason we teach” in the first place. Yes, I know God has something to do with it but if there were no people he wouldn’t have anyone to send us to. Today I want to talk about you message. At least a part of your message that you might not be aware of and that can be very distracting.

Entering the umm frustrating uhh world of ahh “Filler Words”…are you tracking with me.

These “filler” words are everywhere and they can mean death to the effectiveness of any message. I will place these filer words into four separate categories.

Nonsense Fillers

These are sure sign of a person who either doesn’t know what they are talking about, terrified that you are listening to them, or so completely distracted that they don’t even know what they are saying. These common words are uhh, umm, and ahh. They mean nothing and yet you and I have both heard some speakers where they were the most used words in the talk.

Catchphrases

I don’t know why some preachers use these phrases. Either they think they mean something, are funny, or they are insecure about there message and speaking ability. Whatever the reason, they should never be used either because they add no value to the message or they are simply not true. Here are a few of my favorites (read least favorite).

• I’m preaching better than you’re amening! Like I said, this is most likely false. Another reason this one bothers me is that the only reason to expect amens is because you think you are teaching what everyone wants to hear. Since when is that effective. No amens might just mean people are being challenged…or you are just boring.
• Praise God! I like praising God as much as the next Jesus freak (I mean that as a compliment) but that doesn’t mean it should punctuate the end of every sentence.
• Amen? (Read…Help me out here I’m drowning!)

I am sure there are many more so feel free to share in the comments.

Signature Catchphrases

These are similar to catchphrases but they aren’t as widespread. Every preacher has them, even me…especially me. I am trying to cut them down. Interestingly, Ed Young shares some “Go To” Phrases from some popular speakers on his blog. Here are a few.

• Rob Bell - “Um…um…um…” and “Are we trackin’?
• Andy Stanley says, “Isn’t it true…?”
• Charles Stanley always says, “Watch this…watch this…watch this….”
• Brian Houston - “Ah, church! Ah, church! The best is yet to come….”

These are not nearly as distracting as general catchphrases since they tend to follow the personality of the speaker and evolve with the speaker. Here are few of mine over the years.

• 1996-1998: It’s just that simple.
• 1998-2005: I would submit to you…
• 2005- to present: I’m going to be honest with you…

That last one I think has come out of a two-fold awareness that preachers aren’t trusted and that I have been in a phase of my ministry where I am being a lot more transparent and not so guarded. I am sure I have more than that so feel free to point them out in the comments.

Prayer Fillers

Public prayer is the time when we all get to show how spiritual we are. The problem is that if you break down most prayers there’s not much to say. Never fear, filler words are here! We have all heard this prayer at one time or another.

Lord God, we just ask, Lord God, that you would just, Lord God, help us, Father, to live, Father, more like you son, Lord God.

This prayer usually goes on much longer but you can see where I am going with this. It’s almost like prayer has become a performance piece. I still do this in some ways but strangely, I don’t do it in private, only in public.

So there you have it. A few ways that you choice of words or lack thereof can send you message spirally down to the depths of presentation obscurity. I hope you enjoyed.

Over the next several Wednesdays I want to share a few things that I have learned about communicating. These are things that I have learned from books, observations and experiences. Many of them I learned during my time traveling with the New Life Drama Company.

There are three elements in every speaking situation. The speaker, the message and the audience. Understanding the most important element is the first step in being a dynamic communicator. Here is the answer and the reasoning.

• The Speaker - As a speaker we sometimes want to think that we are the most important element but in fact we are the least important. Given the right message and an attentive audience anyone can deliver information. Remember that God spoke through a donkey (Numbers 22:21-38) the next time you want to toot your own horn.
• The Message - This one is easy to get hung up on, especially for preachers. Don’t hear me saying something that I am not. The message of Christ is the most important message one can communicate. It is THE MESSAGE among all other messages but it is still not the most important element in a speaking situation. Just ask the most prolific speaker with the most dynamic message when no one is there to listen.
• The Audience - Consider the key verse of the entire Bible, John 3:16. Allow me to paraphrase, “For the Speaker so loved his Audience that he gave his Message with purpose.” There was no reason for Christ to give himself if there were no people to receive him. It’s so simple and yet many times we miss it.

As communicators of the most important message of all we need to love our audience more than ourselves. We choose how effective each sermon will be when we place these three elements in proper perspective.

As always, your comments are welcome.

Many of you know that I work full-time as a web and graphic designer. It is amazing to me how much I have learned about being a communicator in the church from this profession. A perfect example is font styles. When I design a project I spend a great deal of time choosing the perfect font. You may ask, “How important are fonts in a design really?” Perhaps an example would work best here.

Take a quick look at this banner. What is you first impression? What does it say as you look at it really fast. I almost drove off the road the first time I saw it.

Fonts determine whether a message is clear or confusing, simple or complicated. When you choose a font in a design project you have to ask yourself if the font enhances the design or distracts from it. The font you choose can make the difference between a message people embrace or one that is rejected, or worse yet, stood against.

What does this have to do with me or you as a communicator at our specific churches. Words are like the fonts that represent them. We can choose to be complicated and show how smart we are or we can choose to be simple and make our messages accessible. We can choose to use insider terminology and make people feel disconnected or we can use illustrations from the world we all share and unite our audience in a common journey.

It’s not so much what you say as it is how you say it.

Tomorrow is a little strange for me because I wont be doing the teaching. Instead Kevin will be taking the helm and I am really looking forward to it. I think he has a great message prepared and it promises to be challenging to all of us.

Today instead of spending a lot of time to tie up the message for Sunday I have been sharing with Kevin some things that I do to communicate the message the best way I know how. Here are just a few things I shared.

• In most cases, when covering a large story in the Bible I opt to tell the story over reading the story. The reason is that many times our people have read the story as it is written and have a hard time connecting. By telling the story I can bring it into everyday situations that they can relate to.
• I always try to find the one point that must be shared and then drill it into people’s hearts. I have been a big multiple point preacher before and I have found that most of the time people only remember one thing out of a message anyway. I might as well start there in the first place if thats where I am going to wind up in the end.
• Deliver your message to one person. I know that sounds strange but here is what I mean. Act as if you are having a conversation with a great friend that you care deeply for. In the end each person will feel as if you were speaking only to them.
• Be vulnerable. Nothing speaks to people more than your real life. They connect and see themselves in it. Once that happens it is a whole lot easier for them to come to similar conclusions.

These are just a few ways in which I choose to communicate. What are some of yours?

I started this little series right before my little blogging break so I thought I would finish it up over the next few posts so here we go. You can watch the video I am referencing here. It’s video # 3.

• Be encouraged in the beginning. You are teaching God’s Word for good reasons. You may not always hit it out of the park in the beginning but you will find your stride.
• Never give up! Everyone goes through the phase of crappy concepts.
• Regardless of how bad you think a message went, your listeners can still be touched by God through you. Never forget that element.
• One way to battle crappy concepts is do a lot of work. Get every idea you can on the table. If for every 20 ideas you get only one amazing series then brainstorm 240 ideas and you have one great year. The more you put out there, the more you have to work with.
• When you communicate, do it in a way that people actually can understand. Talk the way people talk and not the way you think preachers should sound.
• Make sure you get to the point and get there quickly. You can weave such a detailed story that by the end no one knows what you are talking about.

Welcome to part three. Watch the second video on my earlier post otherwise here are my thoughts. You can also read my thoughts on the first video here.

Thoughts on Video #2

• Not all ideas are good ideas. You should set aside just as much time forming the big idea for each message or series as you do in the production of that idea.
• Sometimes the energy of an idea doesn’t come out in production and that is why half to a third of everything you try should end up on the cutting room floor.
• By killing a bad idea you make room for the great ideas to live.
• More emphasis needs to be placed on abandoning crap.
• Our messages naturally are trying to be bland, pointless, and unstructured. It is up to us to keep it focused from beginning to end.
• We have to be willing to cut out the boring parts and go right to the parts that engage people. “You have to be ruthless if anything is going to be good.”
• “Failure is an important part of success.”
• If you are not failing all the time you are not creating opportunities for success.
• You have to know this going into it that you are going to record and get rid of a lot of crap before you get to anything that’s really special.
• We don’t want to create something that’s mediocre but something that’s memorable.