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I recently wrote a post that offended some of my dear friends which only proved that I am terrible at writing. I guess it could prove I am a terrible friend but for the sake of this post I will assume the first.  On Wednesdays I have been trying to unpack the topic of communication but have been focusing primarily on the presentation of the spoken word. Today I would like to handle the written word for just a moment.

With the spoken word most of us preachers know that people forget 95% of what we teach in the first 72 hours. The written word however is there forever. Unless you can retrieve every copy it will live on. Blogs make this even worse. I can delete a post from my blog but not from people’s RSS readers. With that in mind I would like to share a few simple tips on how to me misunderstood and present a written message that is sure to be effective at doing exactly what you didn’t intend for it to do.

1. Publish Your First Draft.

Edit, proofread, rewrite? Who wants to go through all that. You know what you meant to say and you need to get it out there as soon as possible. Besides, if you understand it so will everyone else.

2. Offer Blazing Generalizations.

Why should you have to explain yourself. Lump everyone in your limited perspective and opinions and then blast them. Great writers know everyone better than they know themselves. They also know that stereotypes are completely accurate. If people can’t handle being lumped in with everyone else than they shouldn’t be a part of the human race.

3. Use Misleading or Seemingly Targeted Examples.

Just because your example or illustration really happened and might be taken as a direct stab at someone who can relate to the accusation doesn’t mean you should refrain. Speak your mind. Air your discontent. Tell that story about that one time a friend forgot your birthday and how awful they are. If another friend who forgot your birthday gets offended, it’s their fault for misunderstanding who you were actually targeting.

4. Name Names.

Just because you name names and then use a targeted example doesn’t mean that person should assume you are talking to them. You can’t censor your writing so all the people that you point out specifically won’t get offended. They should be able to read your mind. Besides, it’s what isn’t said that counts.

So there you have it. A surefire way to be misunderstood. Someday I will learn this delicate technique. Until then, be careful what you write…it might just get read.

I need to start of by saying that the issues that are discussed within the pet peeve topic are both frustrations within myself and with others. In the spirit of transparency and fairness I will start with how this is an irritaion within me.

I am terrible with long distance relationships. It’s not that I don’t care. It’s not that I’ve moved on. It’s not even that I don’t want to. But for whatever the reason I neglect communication with those who are the farthest from me. I hate this about myself and I almost feel like what Paul says in Romans 7 applies to me here.

For I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate. - Romans 7:15

Although my lack of communication is far from sin against God, it is an injustice and a wound to those who receive the brunt of my silence. Most of these people know who they are and I have nothing to hide here. My Dad and my brother Tim fall into this category. My friends Andrew & Shelly are right there with them. My friend Bret has also been a victim to my silence and probably much more, to the point that it would take a miracle for the relationship to be restored. I also have friends who live only 45 minutes away that I struggle to communicate with because of this deficiency within me.

There are a few compounding factors as to why I am so poor at long distance relationships. These are not excuses as much as they are reasons why I struggle with it so much.

I am a live orator. That kind of sounds silly to say it but it’s true. I love being in the same room with the people I am talking to. In that situation I am great but I hate talking on the phone and I am a terrible writer. One day we will be able to have holographic images of the people we are speaking to sitting across from us and then all my problems will be solved. Well, at least this one.

I am a pastor. I am sure that there are pastors who have figured this out but I haven’t yet. As a pastor I tend to have my time taken by the biggest known need. This frustrates many I am sure but as a still small church there isn’t anyone else to take up the slack in that area. I am sure Kevin can back me up on that.

I am a pastor. I know I already said that but I missed a point. As the pastor, I do not encourage this, but people want to talk to you more than others in the church. There isn’t necessarily anything wrong with this. They feel like they will understand the church better by speaking to the pastor and in many ways they may be right. That tends to take a lot of time away from other communications though.

I am lazy. At my core I want to lay around and relax. I seldom let myself but it’s what I want. When the phone does stop ringing, everyone has left my home and I finally have a spare moment I don’t really want to make another phone call (did I mention that I hate talking on the phone).

At the moment I don’t have the answers, only the struggle. To all of you who are on the list above and possibly read this blog…I’m sorry.

Now it’s time for me rag on some of the things that frustrate me about others when it comes to a lack of communication. Remember, these qualities bother me about myself as well.

Double Talkers

I have done this at one time or another but it frustrates me when people complain, condemn or offer veiled stabs about my lack of communication and yet it’s not like my phone is ringing off the hook. Communication is a two way road but I feel like most the time, when no one travels it, I am the one blamed. If you miss me so much…pick up the phone and call.

Angela and I have even taken vacations to New York and San Antonio to see our friends and family. I may not pick up the phone that often but either do they and the last time I checked none of them have even once come and visited us in Tennessee. I’m just saying…

Non Responders

This really represents two groups of people. Only one of which I have been a part of. The first is the struggle that I can identify with and yet it still bugs the garbage out of me. These are the people who you call and email repeatedly and even ask for a response yet they don’t. Many times this is caused by just plain poor time management. You get an email or a call and think that you will just respond to it later when you have a free moment. The problem is that you never have a free moment other than the time that you received the message. Other times it’s simply that you just don’t think it’s important enough to respond to. The problem here is…I thought it was important enough to send to you. You do the math.

The second group doesn’t just frustrate me. They actually make me physically angry. I usually sin not. These people have a responsibility to communicate with me or someone else and they simply don’t. This might be the person who has a responsibility to be somewhere or do something whosimply doesn’t show. It is also the person who has information that you need who decides everything is more important than getting it to you. This one is not so much about communication as it is about character. If you say you are going to do something than do it. We don’t need your lip service.

So there you have it. I am terrible at communication and so are you. It feels good to get that off my chest. Don’t execute me. Instead, offer your communication struggles, pet peeves and possible solutions. I would love to hear from you. Of course now if you don’t comment you may fall into the first part of the “non-responders”. I hate you already. ;)

It’s been about a month since my last Wednesday offering on effective communication. Again, I know I am not an expert but I have learned a bit over the last several years of public speaking and theatrical arts. Alright, so I use theatrical arts loosely.

Last time I shared the most important element in every speaking situation, the audience. They are the “reason we teach” in the first place. Yes, I know God has something to do with it but if there were no people he wouldn’t have anyone to send us to. Today I want to talk about you message. At least a part of your message that you might not be aware of and that can be very distracting.

Entering the umm frustrating uhh world of ahh “Filler Words”…are you tracking with me.

These “filler” words are everywhere and they can mean death to the effectiveness of any message. I will place these filer words into four separate categories.

Nonsense Fillers

These are sure sign of a person who either doesn’t know what they are talking about, terrified that you are listening to them, or so completely distracted that they don’t even know what they are saying. These common words are uhh, umm, and ahh. They mean nothing and yet you and I have both heard some speakers where they were the most used words in the talk.

Catchphrases

I don’t know why some preachers use these phrases. Either they think they mean something, are funny, or they are insecure about there message and speaking ability. Whatever the reason, they should never be used either because they add no value to the message or they are simply not true. Here are a few of my favorites (read least favorite).

• I’m preaching better than you’re amening! Like I said, this is most likely false. Another reason this one bothers me is that the only reason to expect amens is because you think you are teaching what everyone wants to hear. Since when is that effective. No amens might just mean people are being challenged…or you are just boring.
• Praise God! I like praising God as much as the next Jesus freak (I mean that as a compliment) but that doesn’t mean it should punctuate the end of every sentence.
• Amen? (Read…Help me out here I’m drowning!)

I am sure there are many more so feel free to share in the comments.

Signature Catchphrases

These are similar to catchphrases but they aren’t as widespread. Every preacher has them, even me…especially me. I am trying to cut them down. Interestingly, Ed Young shares some “Go To” Phrases from some popular speakers on his blog. Here are a few.

• Rob Bell - “Um…um…um…” and “Are we trackin’?
• Andy Stanley says, “Isn’t it true…?”
• Charles Stanley always says, “Watch this…watch this…watch this….”
• Brian Houston - “Ah, church! Ah, church! The best is yet to come….”

These are not nearly as distracting as general catchphrases since they tend to follow the personality of the speaker and evolve with the speaker. Here are few of mine over the years.

• 1996-1998: It’s just that simple.
• 1998-2005: I would submit to you…
• 2005- to present: I’m going to be honest with you…

That last one I think has come out of a two-fold awareness that preachers aren’t trusted and that I have been in a phase of my ministry where I am being a lot more transparent and not so guarded. I am sure I have more than that so feel free to point them out in the comments.

Prayer Fillers

Public prayer is the time when we all get to show how spiritual we are. The problem is that if you break down most prayers there’s not much to say. Never fear, filler words are here! We have all heard this prayer at one time or another.

Lord God, we just ask, Lord God, that you would just, Lord God, help us, Father, to live, Father, more like you son, Lord God.

This prayer usually goes on much longer but you can see where I am going with this. It’s almost like prayer has become a performance piece. I still do this in some ways but strangely, I don’t do it in private, only in public.

So there you have it. A few ways that you choice of words or lack thereof can send you message spirally down to the depths of presentation obscurity. I hope you enjoyed.

I have been counting calories now for 15 days. I have watched my weight go up and then down just a little bit and then up again. Weighing everyday can be frustrating because your body can fluctuate a couple pounds throughout the day. Yet I press on.

This morning I weighed myself and I have lost 5 lbs. in the past 15 days. I am right on schedule to lose the 60 lbs. that I want. I am also twi and a half weeks off all soda. Not to bad.

The purpose of all of this. I am on a discipline journey. I have lived a long time eating whatever I want and not doing everything that I should. I started with a disciplined spiritual routine, which is still a constant struggle, and now I am working on my physical self. This week I start doing a once a week fast to combine the two.

My desire is to bring my spirit and my flesh under the control of Christ. It has definitely been an interesting process but I am loving what is taking place. I’ll keep you posted.

I am well aware that everyone struggle with contentment issues. Sometimes it’s hard to be satisfied with a life that seems to be going downhill fast. I am just want to share some of my contentment struggles.

I am satisfied with my wife, my income, my apartment and my overall standard of living. I don’t have a lot but I have enough and I realize the only reason I have what I do is through God’s provision. There are however some areas where I am not so satisfied at times. I will share just a few.

• Time - I never have enough. My work takes up 50 hours a week which leaves very little time for leading a church and giving my wife all the time that she deserves. It’s frustrating when you know all the things that you need to do but then come to the realization that you can’t do it. This is sometimes multiplied when no one else sees how important those things are.
• Relationships - This is closely tied to the time issue. Because I am so busy juggling the different hats I am required to wear I rarely have time to cultivate my relationships with even my closest friends much less establish new ones. I am trying to make this a priority but it’s hard. That’s why it’s listed here as a struggle.
• Sleep - Again tied to the time issue. I have to be up a 6 am to go to work and then early evening meetings. After that it’s usually a little time with my wife. Once she goes to bed I have time to work on church projects and any personal things I want to do. So I stay up until midnight. 6 am always comes to soon.

Here is the point. As everybody knows, especially bi-vocational pastors, time is limited. We, and by that I mean I, have got to learn to make the most of the limited time that I do have and trust God to accomplish what I can not. He is usually better at it anyway. I truly believe that he lets me be a part for my benefit and not his.

So how do you deal with these struggles?

There is trend that you can follow about me right here on this blog. When I am not writing frequently it is usually because I am struggling. When I haven’t written something within a couple days it means that I am out of focus, distracted, burned out, mixed up and any number of other things. It is at these times I just feel lost.

Pastor, do you have these seasons? Church goer, do find that sometimes you pastor seems distant or disconnected? I am sure this is not an uncommon occurrence at any church or for any pastor. But I am not any pastor. I am the pastor of LifePoint. I am bi-vocational. These are my struggles.

Each Friday, at least for a little while, I will share my bi-vocational struggles. At times I will share solutions I have come up with and other times I will have no solutions whatsoever. Your suggestions and opinions are welcome and in fact desired. My desire is to process some of my struggles so that I can grow and hopefully provide encouragement for those going through similar situations. I would love to also be able to share a little bit of perspective for those who attend churches with bi-vocational pastors. Below is a list of items I will touch on over the next several weeks. If you have any other struggles that you would like discussed please comment and I will try to address them. Here is my list so far.

• Managing various roles
• Wasting days off
• Covered up by meetings & happenings
• Juggling Relationships
• Protecting the family
• Discouragement
• Building a team
• Embracing failure

These are just a few of the topics I will be looking at. Again, if you know of something that is not on my list but ought to be, please comment. Until next week…

I am still sick but I wanted to make sure that I did not miss this opportunity to celebrate one full week with absolutely no soda consumption. That may not be a great accomplishment to anyone else but I have been drinking 3 cans a day for years and is probably a major culprit to my gradual weight gain.

So today I celebrate being free from soda. One week and I don’t even miss it. Although I am addicted to a new beverage. This new addiction is better for my health but harder on my wallet. I hope I can resolve the two. I probably down 4 Propels a day which can get slightly expensive. I think it comes out to somewhere between $5.00 vs. 12 a week. Ouch.

Below are the nutritional values for my two favorite drinks and you will clearly see, if you didn’t already know, why I know longer drink Coke. The first one is Propel and the second one is Coke.

I have a bunch of things to write but for the last two days I have been allergy/cold ridden. When I get like this I simply can’t ficus long enough to actually write. Be patient with me and some new posts will follow my recovery.

At this point in the exploration you have to feel a little sense of accomplishment. It is right now that we are getting through 2 and almost three books in a week. Does that make the reading easier for you. It always helps me.

My favorite passage of the week is Galatians 3:15. I love how Paul subtly teaches, teachers. In this verse he starts by saying, “To give a human example”. In other worlds, let me teach this to you plainly. I love it. It’s definitely good advice for all who are called to teach God’s Word.

Here is you reading for this week. Sorry I am a little late.